Wafflez O’Houlihan is a gnome barbarian, exiled and cut off from his former burrow, he finds new adventures with a group of friends found in Treylon. Though short in stature, Wafflez has proven himself a hardened warrIor to his group. His charm and natural talent seem to make him near indestructible, in spite of the multiple clear attempts on his life from some unseen force!
Wafflez Guide For Adventuring
- If you find a secret door. You GO THROUGH the secret door.
- Poop is good. Poop means safety.
- You do better when you’re drunk. Always.
- With a little bit of blood and some fast talking, anything is possible.
- Shoulda left him naked. With maybe a kit-kat.
- When in doubt, pee on the giant.
- Even vampires have boobs
- When you want to intimidate, take off your shirt. No regrets!
- i’m neutral on the 3/4ths tank, and there’s a gas station nearby.
“Standing 3’5’’ from the deadliest Barbarian clan in all the world…. WAFFLEZ O’HOULIHAN!” yelled the announcer. Roars erupted as the tiny creature strutted into the ‘Battle Ring’, waving at what he thought were the prettiest women there. His views may have been off after Ale number 9, but Wafflez didn’t care he was having way too good of time!
“Today’s fight is against the Barbarian hero ‘Strent, The Undeniably Large’!” Wafflez would have to agree with the name. His opponent was a good 7’ by his best guess. The clan was known for recruiting whoever they felt would best honor the members, and that included any race or any creature who could hold a weapon. Wafflez still to this day has no clue why he got in, likely he just barged in drunk one day and told them he was joining. Charm gets you far in this world, he thought.
“Are the gladiator’s ready?” Wafflez was busy dancing for the crowd, getting them pumped up for the upcoming slaughter Strent was about to face. He looked at the announcer and gave him a swift nod, the announcer nodded back. The two had a little side bet going on that was going to earn them a fair bit of coin. The announcer, ‘Cogsworth’, a fellow gnome may have put something in Strent’s Ale that was a little bit on the poisonous side… Not too poisonous of course, he would feel better in a day or two.
“Stent you’re looking a little wobbly, everything good big guy?” Wafflez asked, trying his best to appear sincere. “I… uhh…,” said Strent weary. Wafflez didn’t wait. He immediately punched him on the side of the face with all his might. A fair amount from the punch, but probably more from the poison, made Strent fall down flat. The crowd went deadly quiet for a moment… Then roared in joy from the match! Wafflez picked up his unconscious opponent’s hand and shook it, then walked out of the ring grabbing a drink out of one of the spectator’s hands, drinking it, and handing it back to him.
On his way back to his tent, Wafflez met up with Cogsworth to split the profit. “Worked like a charm,” said Cogsworth. “Always does,” Wafflez said back, grabbing the bag of coin and continuing his journey back to his tent. He opened the flap to his tent, and to his surprise, saw a man sitting inside at his table.
“Why can’t the trespassers ever be women?” Wafflez asked sullenly.
“Ah good, Wafflez, you’ve finally come back,” the man said, genuinely looking glad. “This clan of yours… quite filthy I must say. Didn’t want to wait much longer.”
“Hey! Do I come to your tent and immediately start in with the hurtful comments?” Wafflez said.
“Ha! My apologies,” laughed the man, “I’ll get to the point. We are in need of some men. We’ve been hearing rumors for quite some time about problems brewing in Baresch. I’m sure you’ve heard about it by now?”
“I tend to stay away from current events, unless it’s half-off night at the pub!”
“Listen, we know who you are Wafflez!” exclaimed the man, “You’re the son of Quaxins, the seasoned warrior of the Gnomish Alliance, and now leader of the guards in Dreven.”
“Ah yes Papa O’Houlihan, how is the old man?” asked Wafflez.
“He would be much better if his son would use the skills he taught him to help with the problems in Baresch. He’s been waiting far too long for you to begin your life.”
“Alright now you listen… Richard is it? Mind if I call you Dick?”
“It’s actually Aventous," the man said.
“Listen Dick. I’ve been living here for quite some time now, made a nice little life for myself. Plenty of women, drink, and coin! What more could a man ask for?”
“Honor.” Said Aventous.
“More to the point. I did the whole army thing with the Dwarves when I was exiled from the burrow for being too awesome. Met some cool people I grant you. Odian was pretty badass, but I feel like if I left now, the Ale would miss me. And I just don’t know if I could live with myself if something…….
“WAFFLEZ, YOU CHEATING SON OF A BITCH WHERE ARE YOU!” yelled a voice from outside.
“On second thought Dick, should we leave now or…?” Wafflez said, quite serious now about the offer.
“Just go to The Drunken Lord. Last I saw, your good friend Odian was staying there. See if you two can start doing some good for once,” Aventous said, as he walked out of the tent.
“So he sends me to a pub… This guy’s got promotion written all over his head."